Day 1 – 28th August 2012 13:00 Chastity Hypnosis
Listened to mp3 must admit didn’t bother to shave as I was not convinced the mp3 would be that effective. None have been before, though oddly a straightforward statement has been effective. I think I sometimes deliberately try to test the effectiveness of femdom chastity hypnosis which shows an unwillingness to engage in the process. Don’t want to do that here, so will not test. Only put 3 days on the form have the feeling Madam will not be satisfied with this.
17:00 Oddly the sense of being unable to touch myself is growing rather than dissipating. Seems that it would be wrong to touch myself, difficult to say quite why I feel this way.
21:20 I feel light headed, feel like I’m drifting into a trance. Diffuse arousal in my groin. Intense feeling I need to please Madam and her femdom chastity hypnosis, now feeling guilty that I didn’t shave myself. Let’s see how I feel tomorrow
22:00 I had to download some pictures of Madam to look at. Such a fantastic rush to admire her perfect body and wonderful legs could spend ages looking at them. Very curious, strong arousal but no sensation of an erection though some engorging of the penis (Had to look to see what was going on, or not as the case might be! That in itself is odd, not knowing whether your own penis is getting erect). Noticed that someone else made their diary open to editing by Madam, I think I’ll do the same, if she is interested she can read it and edit it as she sees fit.
22:40 Strong desire to meet Madam in person but absolutely no idea what sort of game. God how pathetic, meet for a chat and a cup of tea – normal session rates! Still I dare say it happens. Just the thought is powerfully intimidating. Long train journey tomorrow, I wonder what I will be thinking about, but that I already know it will be Madam and her femdom chastity hypnosis. It will be certainly more fun than the boring thesis to read.
23:30 Madam has read my diary, I feel honoured and chastised. A less than auspicious start, not deliberately but I have given the impression I can choose to meet Madam (and choose how to behave). That was not my intention; I should have chosen my words more carefully. “A strong desire for Madam to choose to meet me would be a more truthful wording” Madam does the choosing and Madam dictates the acceptable behaviour of a slave. Also shaving essential not to be put off, plus the gel and Vaseline. How quickly and easily the need to be obedient becomes apparent.
Day 2 – 29th August 2012 Chastity Hypnosis
7:50 Last night I realised the dilemma I was in. How could I shave if I am wearing a chastity device? Simply I couldn’t, if through my disobedience I suffer discomfort while wearing it then that is my own fault for not listening to what Madam told me to do. Madam will choose whether to release me from chastity hypnosis or to prepare properly or simply to let me continue feeling the guilt of being disobedient. I awoke this morning around 6.00am with an intense arousal but with little sensation associated with my penis. With time the arousal spread to my whole body and mind leaving me feeling blissful and content eager to obey Madam. This state lasted for about an hour before I got up at 7.00. Will have to take notes on the train and update the diary when I next get online.
9:30 I am on the bus, light headed and drifting off into trance, blissful and content state. Intense arousal caused by the thought of Madam and her chastity hypnosis, indeed arousal comes naturally when thinking of her. This sums up most of the day so far the feeling comes and goes between periods of working.
10:50 I now have a different feeling, one of submission, and a desire to obey Madam. I have a curious need to physically lower myself. Lost all sensation of having a penis everything is just centred around the groin area
11:20 Found myself visualising the chastity device in my mind’s eye adding to the pleasure.
17:00 Finally in Edinburgh, now with a desire to listen to the Chastity Hypnosis recording again, which I will do
18:00 Feeling wonderful after listening to Chastity Hypnosis again. Certainly enjoy the way Madam’s words make me feel. Remember less about the recording than the first time, in fact I am not even sure what I do remember. Hope Madam still thinks I am worth her time after my lazy start.
22:20 The desire to obey Madam grows stronger as does the need to hear her voice. During the evening I have been reminded that I am locked in chastity with her chastity hypnosis and this provokes an interesting and enjoyable mix of emotions. Submission as I know Madam controls my identity as a man and the way in which I can experience pleasure. I feel contentment that Madam does control me and lightens the load of decisions to be made. A lustful delight in her beauty as thoughts of her legs, her lips, her breast come to mind, a keenness to learn more about how I can please Madam.
Day 3 – 30th August 2012 Chastity Hypnosis
8:00 I woke up at 5:30 with an intense ache, a desperate desire to serve, please and obey Madam. A wonderful sexual pleasure directed purely at Madam. Thinking of her strengthened the lust I felt for her, so beautiful, so perfect. I have an overwhelming need to be controlled by her and her chastity hypnosis. Almost thought I would not be able to stand it especially when I realised I had no say in the matter, I may plead to be released but until Madam allows it there will be no relief. And yet, and yet the pleasure in riding the wave was as great as I have known. Knowing that Madam has control paradoxically makes the experience more tolerable. The desire to continue down this path only gets stronger.
With time the intensity abates until all that is left is the warm glow and containment in the groin. Coupled with a deep sense of peace and contentment in my mind, I am in Madam’s hands and it is wonderful. With thoughts of Madam and chastity hypnosis it is time for breakfast
11:00 Again drifting off into thoughts of Madam, her breasts, her legs, her lips, she is perfect. Difficult to describe the exact feeling she induces in me. My mind simply wants to obey her and be controlled by her, my body delights in the pleasure she gives.
18:15 Just an overpowering need to please and obey Madam, I love being locked up for her, makes me feel wonderful, nothing could be better. At times like this I never want to be free again. Perhaps Madam will have a suggestion about what I can do for her.
22:00 whenever I think of the chastity device I find my mind dominated by thoughts of Madam while the constant ache and lack of an erection reminds me of the device. In truth the focus of my life is becoming Madam. It’s so odd that this could happen so quickly and easily. I need more of her words but have no idea which instead I will listen to chastity hypnosis again.
Day 4 – 31st August 2012 Chastity Hypnosis
7:30 I am happy that Madam has allowed another couple of days of being locked in. I have similar feelings to yesterday morning with perhaps a greater edge to a nervous anticipation of serving. So not only a need to serve but also an anxious wait to serve. A longing for Madam to command me so that I can feel complete. Overall a curious calmness when thinking of work and the day ahead. The powerful feelings I have for Madam do not overwhelm me at work but thoughts do slip in bringing with them an intense need to please her with chastity hypnosis.
10:00 I have thoughts of Madam, focussing on her as a key holder and the need to please her. Now though a greater emphasis on wanting to act on this. Though I need some guidance about how I can do so. There is a desire to do something about pleasing Madam but not really knowing what she would like me to do. When I think of Madam as a key holder I visualise the lock on the chastity device, leading to a reflection on the confinement of my penis: powerlessness, helpless and no resistance comes to mind. This proves more arousing and renewed focus on Madam being a key holder, so it goes on. So I go on listening to her chastity hypnosis.
4:00 what I don’t really understand is why I don’t seem to do anything to please Madam other than listening to the Chastity Hypnosis mp3. Perhaps it is because I have the notion I need Madam to decide for me. Doing the “right” thing for Madam is so important to me that I am almost frozen into inactivity for fear I’ll do something wrong and she will never write to me again.
22:00 seems quite random how thoughts of Madam slip into my mind during the day. Perhaps something triggers it like the scent of a woman passing by or a chance glance at a woman. Who knows but the thoughts do slip in leading to a cascade of further ones. Odd also how I seem to find I focus on different things each day. The hypnosis seems to be very effective I have no thoughts or desire to touch myself and yet still feel absolutely wonderful. When I do reflect on Madam the arousal just does not lead to an erection which I find really quite remarkable instead I think of pleasing and obeying Madam with her chastity hypnosis.
Day 5 – 1st September 2012 Chastity Hypnosis
Another intense start to the day, there is something about this time in the morning. Again the predominant feeling was one of anticipation of serving. Curiously the longer I am in the chastity device under chastity hypnosis the more enjoyable it becomes and the less inclined I am to ask for permission for it to be released. A symptom of being older perhaps a greater tolerance or slower build-up in sexual energy. All the locked up sexual energy directed towards the perfect figure of Madam. Her lips, her eyes, her legs her breasts, delightful. Just writing this is enough to raise the blissful state in my mind. Drifting off into a reverie filled with thoughts of obeying her. I really simply want to do whatever she says, nothing else matters. Will I be lucky enough for Madam to write to me?
For the most part though a busy day which tends to reduce the occasions when thoughts of Madam come to mind. But still thoughts of her did slip in here and there while I was thinking about what to do. Mostly when I am choosing between things. Then the effect can be as simple as a smile coming to my lips or as profound as an intense arousal as I think of her as my key holder with her chastity hypnosis with all that entails. Truth is when I think of Madam, trying to make a decision is all but impossible. I can’t decide whether to ask to be kept in chastity for longer, to be released or anything. I know that this is how she starts the chastity hypnosis recording but nevertheless it is peculiar when you see the effect in practise. Still nothing to worry about because will probably say something. Actually I don’t even think I could worry – it’s only a turn of phrase because that is the other thing with Madam. Everything is fine the way it is.